There is something about rejection. It has always been apart of my life. I can remember back to P.E. and being picked anything but first was earth shattering. I can remember wishing the guy would ask me out, but he never did.
We all have our own stories of being rejected. When we hear the word a memory or two comes to mind for us all.
For me when I hear the word, rejected, the last year floods my mind. The word REJECTED bounce off my mouth with shame and haste.
It has been a year since my last post. A lot has happened. Wrote a Bible study, record said study, spoke at events, taught 60 kids sixth grade math, made new friends, moved cities and while this sounds great the truth is this last year has been anything but easy.
Living the life, you never thought you would is a crazy world. For one, sixth grade math is hard. As in I had to learn some math this year to be able to teach it. Two, I have not been in the classroom in seven years. So, moving back into a four-wall room with 20 kids looking to you for more than simply math was a weird home to find myself in.
I looked through my social media and I think what I displayed as life was a fun teacher who took risks that seemed to pay off, a sister who watched her baby sister graduate high school and welcome a son into the world, and a girl who found friends from all over the city and leaned into a life that looked "backwards", However, the truth is if I had to pick a word to describe these past twelve months I would choose.
meaning: dismissed as inadequate, inappropriate, or not to one's taste
This year I lived through rejection on a level unlike ever before. There is something about breathing rejection that is different than anything else.
The first rejection letter comes in and with hope you open the email or answer the call and you smile through tears as rejection hits your soul. You move forward because what is one rejection letter. The second one comes in and with a twinge of fear you begin to wonder if it is you, how you where you created, who you do not know, or what you are not doing.
You move to the fifteenth and the breath feels different. There is numbness that rides in and moves through as though the lies that were once easy to spot become harder to see. The feeling of being dismissed begins to take hold. Am I inadequate? Am I unwanted? Am I not what anyone is looking for?
Being rejected made this year the hardest one I have ever faced. Not because the classroom was hard, it was not. Sure, there were rough days and days where I would say the kids won. But there were harder days where I sat through calls and emails where I was told what was wrong with my story. Where I was told what was missing from the life I have lived that made me unwanted.
However, there is hope in Christ in the grand story He is writing. His story is not about my comfort or my glory but about His name being proclaimed and people coming to know Him as their personal Lord and Savior.
The Bible passage I have held to is Daniel 3:16-18. Leading up to this section Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were brought before the King who had asked all the people to bow before an idol. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego responded with the words below.
“Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered and said to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.”
We all have our fiery furnaces. Moments where we are being rejected by the world. We have choice to make. Fall to world or stand for the Lord. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego stood for the Lord and He met them in the fire. They stood for the Lord and proclaimed that God was able to save to them but even if He did not it would not change their position on falling to the world.
This year I stood before the word rejection and said I could fall to you, buy the lie of being unwanted and unusable or I can stand for the Lord and the truth that says I am chosen, and uniquely made in His image. And though I don’t know when the fire will end. I do know that I am not alone in the fire.
I write this today because I know I am not alone. Many of us find ourselves amid the fire and we must choose. Are we going to fall or are we are we going to stand?
I pray we stand together!